If you like it put a ring on it

Nine years ago The Mr put a ring on it – on Valentines Day actually. It wasn’t  a crazy romantic proposal…I am not even sure he planned it more than a few days in advance, but to me – it was actually perfect.

Admittedly, when I was younger and most certainly in the six years of our relationship before we got engaged I dreamt up amazing proposals:

  1. The steps of the British Museum
  2. In the Colosseum in Rome
  3. On a beach in Greece
  4. In the snow on a mountain
  5. At Hadrian’s Wall

So, on bended knee in our flat, after a bicker about which takeaway to get and that he got my wristguards for snowboarding as a valentines present (ungrateful cow), was not in my top five imaginings.

However, what made it perfect was how he asked, the words he said and the promises he made. He had really thought about what marriage meant and what this next step was and he was so nervous that I had no hesitation in crying and saying yes.

And this is the point isn’t it? I might have dreamt of the proposal, and the wedding, but what I wanted was a marriage, a commitment and our future together and that is what made the whole thing special – was knowing that he wanted that too.

Proposals can get so overblown these days, or used as a plaster to fix something that should be walked away from. So, if you are craving that next step really have a think about why? Or if you have just said yes – don’t get caught up in the wedding planning without thinking about the reality of life afterwards. Is this person your team mate? Do you share goals and dreams? Do you think you can work out healthy compromises to get to what you both want, together?

If so, many congratulations and enjoy long and happy lives together.

Me – even now, I still check in on those things from time to time – to make sure that I am still The Mr’s biggest champion and that he is as supportive of me; that we work things out for our children together and that we still have plans and goals that we share for the future.

If you don’t feel that way, maybe talk thing through with your partner and hopefully work things out, or find a way that you can leave the relationship and both find the person that is your biggest champion.

I know, glib and easy me writing that and so much harder to put into practice…but honestly what ever happens it is better to be honest with yourself and your partner and move forward one way or another. After, marriage is a for a long time and, at least that is what we all hope and want isn’t it?

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