I’m not talking about three children here – I just mean making that first decision to have try for a baby.
When you make a commitment as a couple you will have had some conversations about children and what your future holds around that and hopefully you are on the same page, because then the conversation shifts to timing, when is the best time – and it is so personal.
Some people fall pregnant just after moving in, some on honeymoon, others choose to wait a few years. We decided after about 18 months of marriage the time was right, but it wasnt straightforward and it was another 20 odd months before we became three.
The conversations around starting, were half excitement and half fear…we knew things would change, no idea really how. You are never really ready, rarely in 100% the right time or place. We were in a third floor flat, I had just got a promotion (two weeks into the role I found out I was pregnant with Wriggler), and my car was less than reliable. But emotionally and as a couple we were ready…and it was the right time for us.
Making the decision to go for the second was harder in some ways, but it was more like – ‘we have one so lets get on with it’ kinda thinking.
I half felt that we knew what we were letting ourselves in for – the sleepless nights, the mess, that you are never on time for anything, that your clothes are covered in baby mess most of the time…but I also knew that two was different to one baby and how on earth was I going to stop jealousy, reassure the eldest that he was still so special, make time for The Mr and not lose myself…
I remember driving somewhere the day of Wriggler’s second birthday and feeling so overwhelmed with this sense that I was about to ruin his life by giving him a sibling! Turns out that some days that is how he feels (mostly when Fidget hides his fossil collection); but actually most days they are best friends, partners in crime and so enjoyable to share time with.
Thank goodness, right? Especially when you are house bound for four days following Storm Emma and #thebeastfromtheeast!
So any tips on making these transitions?
- Give yourself a break – some days are easy and some days aren’t
- Don’t pack too much in to one day
- Try and give yourself and your partner some ‘you’ time
- If it is a sibling coming, then find all the positives to talk about with the new big brother or sister
- When the baby arrives, read a book and chill if it is your first born, and maybe just hang out with your older child if it is a younger sibling arriving – do something you can only do with them and not the baby
I am sure there are more tips out there – share them and I’ll have a think and do a Top Tips post about this soon!